When You Realize
by CatsRocks
Summary: A cat who knows how beautiful he or she is made to be is truly happy and wise. But a cat who does not realize this can have a difficult time with him or her own self. When Etcetera finds a mirror somewhere in the junkyard one day, her life begins to change.
1. The News

**Hey, guys. I'll be trying to write both this story and the other story that I'm already writing; I'll try my best to keep both of them up. Disclaimer: I do not own CATS!**

* * *

"Etcy! Etcy Etcy! Wake up! Exciting news!"

"Huh…? No… Let me sleep…"

"Etcy! No! You want to hear this, you sleepyhead!"

"'Lectra… I was trying to kiss a tom in my dream and you woke me up… Just five more minutes…"

"Uggh! Well, I was hoping I didn't have to do this, but…!" Electra grabbed her half-awake, half-asleep friend's petite shoulders and almost insanely shook them back and forth.

"Uggh…! You made me feel like there's a bulldozer going over us…"

"Exactly. Now, if you still don't wake up, then I'll have to…"

_No! Not that!_ "Okay! I'm awake!"

"Finally!"

"Great, 'Lectra. I was having the best dream in my life, and you woke me up…" complained Etcetera, tiredly rubbing her slumberous eyes.

"Well, I'm sure you want to wake up to hear this! Guess what, guess what, guess what? Guess what happened!" Electra managed to say between enormous smiles. Her face was red from excitement; her whiskers couldn't stay still for even a single second due to her heavy panting; overall, she seemed only an inch away from jumping up and down.

"What…? Something great enough to force a dear friend out of sleep…?"

"Yes! It's that important! Well… to me. 'Cause… Mungojerry asked me out!"

"What?" Etcetera jumped and almost hit the ceiling of the den. "You mean…"

"Yes! Mungojerry _explicitly_ told me last night that he wanted to go out with me, for real!" Electra cried out in excitement, her eyes shimmering like two of the brightest starts that come out at night.

"'Lect! This is like… crazy! Congrats, queen!"

"Thanks! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! I'm like really hyper right now, Etcy! It's as if all of my blood veins are jumping up and down! Oh my goodness, Etcy! This is like… a story or something!

"Okay, okay. 'Lectra, you gotta calm down first! Here; inhale, exhale…" Etcetera said, giving a calming gesture with her front paws.

"What's all the chattering and screaming for…?" murmured a young voice by the door.

"Oh my gosh, Jem! Guess what happened! Mungojerry asked me out!" squealed Electra, actually jumping up and down at this point.

"W… wait! What?" And then, Jemima probably forgot about any decorum or dignity: She sprinted full speed toward her friend and hugged her tight (perhaps even tighter than that of a bear), almost knocking her down with the momentum.

"'Lect, you're not kidding, right? You mean, a tom asked you out?" Jemima asked, she, too, panting.

"Yes! Mungojerry – _like really_ – did!" cried out Electra.

"It's like all young queens' dream to be asked out by a tom!" said Etcetera with a purr.

"I know, I know. Oh, this is awesome. I'm really… _so_ happy right now, and… Oh, wait. Oh… Guys… I'm sorry if I was too hyper… since I know you two still… uh… you know… still… don't have… ahem…"

"Oh, it's fine!" answered Jemima. "We'll get our toms someday, too. We're just happy for you right now!"

"Awww. Thanks, you two! I was just afraid I was insulting you two…" said Electra, her smile having changed from that of excitement to simple appreciation.

"No problem," smiled Etcetera.

"And guys, I know how some of the grown-ups think that Mungo is like a total badass or something, but he's actually really sweet! He actually gave me a flower necklace that he made," purred Electra.

"Can we see it?" the two other cats asked in unison.

"Well… He then took it back since he had something to fix," Electra replied.

"Awww! That's still so cute of him!" squealed Jemima.

"I know! He can be the cutest tom sometimes!" Electra exclaimed. "He really has a caring heart if you dig deeper than the troubles he makes. Hey, do you guys think he and I'll be okay together?"

"I'm sure you two will be great, I'm sure…" answered Etcetera, "I'm very sure…"

"Thanks, Etcy!" Electra smiled.

"So… when are you and Mungo actually going to go out?" asked Jemima.

"Hmm. Good question. I mean, he asked me out, but we didn't decide on the exact date. Hmm. He and I'll have to think about that. But just thinking about it makes my heart feel like exploding! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh…"

* * *

Etcetera sniffed the cool air. What a contrast it made to the warmth of the den that she was in that morning. The cool breeze was always a herald of the coming rain, shaking up the leaves of the trees as if making a trumpet call for the approaching precipitation. There weren't many cats who seemed to like rain; no, many of them abhorred even the very idea of any water touching their bodies. In this case, Etcetera was an exception. She somehow anticipated for rain, always yearning for a day when she could dance in the pouring rain, all by herself, without the fear of being scolded by Munkustrap, Alonzo, or any of those half-martinets…

"Oh, Etcy! Don't you think it's so cute?"

"Excuse me, Jem?"

"I mean, 'Lectra and Mungo. Wouldn't they be the cutest couple?" asked Jemima with a gigantic smile.

"I know. They really would be cute. By the way, Jem, you're blushing!" Etcetera laughed.

"Oh my… Am I…?"

"Why, is it because you have a tom who you want to be asked out by?" suggested Etcetera with a naughty grin.

"Uh… well…"

"Oh, so you do have a crush, Jem, don't you…?"

"Well… A half-crush, maybe. Wait, no! Maybe not even that! Maybe… I just want to be friends with him…"

"Ooh. Can you tell me his name?" Etcetera asked.

"No!" cried Jemima, although laughing. "I mean… It's private, you know…"

"I see…" Etcetera acquiesced, deciding not to ask any further. She knew from previous experiences that trying to excavate too much of personal businesses never bring forth pleasurable results.

"Thanks," smiled Jemima.

"But may I ask you one thing?"

"What is it?"

"Jem… You still think that we're going to get toms, too, right?" asked Etcetera, her voice gradually becoming softer.

"Of course! I'm sure! Why? Are you jealous… of her?" suggested Jemima, looking around to make sure that Electra wasn't around.

"No! Never! Why would I? She's my friend, and I really am happy for her!"

"Right. Then… what's the problem…?"

"I mean… We gotta admit she is really lucky, right?"

"Well… I suppose she is…" Jemima quietly agreed. "But it doesn't mean she doesn't deserve it."

"Jem, I'm not like… I'm jealous or anything. It's just… she really is lucky, compared to us…" Etcetera said, at the same time hoping that she wasn't crowning herself as a gossip queen.

"Etcy, I personally don't think we're any less lucky then her. I mean… the more we wait, the better the toms who come."

"I guess you're right."

"Plus, we can learn from what 'Lectra's doing in her relationship. If she does something good, we can learn from it for the future. If she does something that… uh… can be improved, then we can still learn from that, too," Jemima said.

"Oh, Jem! You sound so much more mature than me!" cried Etcetera.

"No, it's just… I don't know. But don't you feel sad or depressed that you don't have a tomfriend, Etcy. The longer you wait for a tom, the better. Kinda like cheese."

"That's an interesting comparison, Jem," commented Etcetera, giggling. "I never thought of it that way…"

"It's true, you know; that's what toms and cheese have in common. I think Vicky told me that one…" Jemima said, looking into the air so as to try to remember exactly.

"I can't believe she's already mated, you know – Vicky. She seemed so young like us, and the next day, she's open… to another world…" sighed Etcetera. "I mean, I'm still thankful she didn't abandon us and that she still hangs out with us often, but…"

"And that's why I want you to take your time, Etcy. So that you can spend more time with your friends," Jemima said with a grin.

Etcetera simply laughed at this. _I guess that's why many cats call you innocent, Jem…_

* * *

**Please, comment and criticize! All criticisms are welcome (and needed)!**


	2. The Mirror

A thunder rolled somewhere in the distant part of the gray sky. The sign that the rain was now very near.

Etcetera had already walked quite far away from where the others were. She could see from the distance all the cats hurrying into their dens.

_It's only rain, you guys. Just rain. It's not going to melt you or anything. _

She secretly laughed within herself at how desperate some of them looked as they were trying to make it into their dens before even just a single drop of rain came down.

She inhaled the cool air and let it flow into her lungs. The smell of the dirt, the smell of the rotting junk, the smell of the old pieces of furniture and tire… all so familiar to her…

She was slowly walking by a mountain of tires when she realized that one of her paws was not touching the soft, filthy dirt, but rather… something hard.

_Just an old piece of wood or something, I guess._ But still curious, she looked down.

She gasped when she saw the image of a cat on the object. A cat… buried in the dirt?

_I'll… I'll save you! I'll save you, whoever you are, buried in the dirt!_

She rapidly swept away the dirt that seemed to be on the cat's face. She gasped again when she realized that the face was… her own self?

She did not see her own face for quite a while recently, the last time being when she looked in a stream and saw her reflection. (_Aha! So the face I see right now is only a reflection, not a real cat buried in the ground! Whew!_) She could recognize her white hair with some dark-brown here and there, her whiskers, her black nose… It was her reflection on the object, only a reflection… but… how…?

_An object, a flat, shiny object that shows the reflection of my face… Hmm. Interesting._

"I'll tell you what it is," said a male voice in front of her.

_Oh, Munk, you caught me out here… _She slowly raised up her head, expecting to see the protector cat.

Unfortunately, the cat in front of her did not have silver stripes. Instead, he had fiery red fur, marked with countless painful-looking cuts and bloodstains. This could only mean…

"M… m… m… Mac… Maca…." Etcetera couldn't even manage to finish saying his damned name; she was trembling like the leaves that the wind blew on; she could feel her breakfast almost coming up from her stomach, through her esophagus…

"Ha. My name really is inscrutable, isn't it?" the fiendish cat grinned evilly.

"Mac…. Macavity…! Munk! Munk! Where are you!" she screamed, looking around desperately.

"Oh, Munkustrap is too far away to hear you, isn't he?" Macavity said. "It's just you and me who are here."

"Mac… Macavity… I'll… I"ll do whatever you want me to do… Just… just leave me alone…" Etcetera barely said.

"Oh, you think I'm gonna kill you, kitten?"

"Well… y-yeah…"

"No. I'm fine. I can go without seeing blood for… one day."

"Uh… t-thanks…" Etcetera recognized the irony of what she just said, but she couldn't dare laugh.

"So, Etcetera…"

"H-How do you know my name…?"

"Oh, Etcetera! You think I'm an idiot, don't you? You think I don't even know the names of my enemies!"

"I mean… Wait. I… I… n-never said that you're an idiot…"

"So you agree that I'm smart?" Macavity said with a sinister smile.

"I mean… yeah… why not…" _What? What did I just say?_

"Good. Anyway… you seemed curious at what this object is, below our paws."

"Yeah…" Etcetera murmured.

"You don't even know what it's called, do you?" Macavity asked.

Etcetera simply shook her head, intentionally not making eye contact with the Napoleon of Crime.

"Ha! You ignorant idiot! And you thought _I _was stupid, didn't you?" Macavity laughed.

"I never said that…!" Etcetera wanted to rip up that fiend in front of him for insulting her so cruelly, but she knew that the only result would be her lying dead on the ground, having been ripped into countless pieces. She therefore didn't dare say anything more.

"Well, that doesn't change the fact that you're an idiot. I mean, everyone knows it. So, do you want to know what this thing is?"

Etcetera quietly nodded, suppressing the anger within her that boiled like magma.

"Alright. I'll tell you what it is. This shiny thing is called… a _mirror_," Macavity enunciated.

"A mir…rah? A mirrah?" Etcetera asked, confused and humiliated at the same time in front of the cat.

"A mirror, you idiot. What are you, deaf?"

Etcetera shook her head. _One more insult, and I'm gonna scratch, no, bite you._

"This thing is used to see how you look! Look! Don't you see the reflection of your face in this?"

She nodded.

"You look at the reflection of yourself in this mirror and see if you're pretty or ugly. Right now, I see that you're rather ugly. When you realize, you'll know," said Macavity, shrugging.

"Hey! You're not any better!"

"Oh, I don't need to be. But _you_ need to be pretty, so that you can attract toms."

She gasped at his words. _Can this cat… read my mind or something…?_

"I know you want toms to like you, Etcetera. But they won't come if you're ugly and fat! Therefore, everyday, see how you look with this mirror, and you'll know if toms will think if you're pretty."

"So… I can have this mirror…?" Etcetera asked almost inaudibly.

"Yes. Here. I'll get it out of the ground for you." He grabbed one of the edges of the object and pulled it out. Half of it was covered with dirt, but he swept it off with his paws. Etcetera could notice the plain, brown frame that protected the edges of the mirror. "It's a surprise there are no cracks on it. Mirrors break easily," said Macavity.

He then handed it to the kitten without any effort. The kitten however, had a difficult time handling it; the mirror was far larger than her body, and she almost lost her balance. She decided to put it on the ground and drag it.

"Uh… thanks, Macavity…" she whispered. _Saying 'thanks' to a cat I hate!_

Macavity gave her a dark smile that sent freezing chills running through her veins. Half-frozen, she watched the fiend run off at the speed of lightning.

_What in the world just happened…?_

* * *

She dragged the object through the piles of junk, across small fields of dirt. She was exhausted by the labor, but she knew that it was worth it for the valuable object.

_I'm sure none of my friends know what this is. They'll be shocked to see their own faces on it! _Such thoughts made her somewhat proud about her new treasure and her knowledge of it.

By the time she reached her den, the first raindrops were reaching the ground. She playfully reached out her tongue, trying to taste the rain. It didn't taste like anything specific, but it was something that the grown-ups told kittens not to do, which made it even more fun.

She dragged the mirror into her den with haste, lest it may be damaged by the rain (or so she believed). She sighed and looked at the newest addition to her den with satisfaction. She then let it lean on a wall at a stable angle and looked into it.

_I guess that's how I look. Wait. Now that I look closely… I actually don't look that bad…! I actually look kinda cute… Hmm. I hope toms think so, too…_

She then slid the mirror between two piles of junk that dominated a great portion of the den. No one who came into the den would be able to notice it.

Only she would know, at least for now.

* * *

**I really appreciate all comments and criticisms, so please take a minute or two to tell me what you think so far. :)**


	3. My Eyes

**eld mcm/ Thank you for your comment! I'll keep 'em coming! :)**

* * *

The first thing that was on her mind when she woke up was her new treasure. Fogs and clouds of slumber kept control of her mind, but the thought of the mirror still seemed clear in the midst of them all.

Slowly, Etcetera tiptoed over and pulled out the mirror from the pile of junk. Nothing was different from what she saw yesterday: Just an old mirror in a brown, rectangular frame. There were marks of dirt, stain, pawprints, and fingerprints almost everywhere on the mirror, but she could still recognize her own self with it.

As long as she could see herself, the object was doing its job perfectly well.

The technology of how exactly it worked was yet a mystery to the kitten, and she wished that Macavity had taught her that, too, yesterday; but no matter what, she was fascinated by this new possession of hers.

She dragged the mirror to the wall and let it lean at a steep angle. She made sure she didn't make any unnecessary adjustments to this temporary position, lest the mirror may lose its balance and fall.

She looked into the mirror and looked at her face. _Nothing different from yesterday. _For some reason, this was quite a relief for her.

She then moved her eyes from the image of her face down to the image of her body and…

_Hmm. Normal. _She turned around to walk out of the den when she suddenly turned back. _Wait, what?_

She looked into the mirror again. Her face was normal, but her body… It was a little different than what she had remembered it was.

A little… thicker…? (_Is that the right word? _she thought.)

Regardless of what the correct terminology was, to her eyes, it seemed undeniable that her body has gotten… a little bit bigger. Maybe just a tiny bit… thicker.

_Oh, poppycock! _She wanted to simply ignore what she just saw and go out, but the image that she just saw seemed a little bit _too_ clear to ignore.

_Did I… really get… fat or something…?_

She rubbed her eyes vigorously and looked again in the mirror. She relaxed when she saw that her body seemed to be back to normal again, whatever normal meant to her at the moment.

_Ha! It was just my eyes fooling me. But… just to make sure…_

She looked into the mirror again. As if her eyes and the mirror were cooperating and playing a cruel prank together on her, her body seemed a bit bigger again.

As if she was under a spell or something…

_No… no… I'm sure I'm just being sleepy and all… _

She looked again. Nothing new. She didn't know what exactly was the standard boundary between fat and thin, but her body that she was seeing at the moment was nowhere enough to satisfy her.

She groaned and ran out. _It's just my eyes that are playing a trick on me. I'm sure…_

_But from when were my eyes so unreliable…?_

* * *

She saw that her friends were sitting by an old, broken television. She ran toward them, trying to free herself from the slight distress (Or was it slight?) that she was going through a few minutes ago. Hanging out with her friends would make her forget it, or so she hoped.

"Hey, sleepyhead!" Electra called. "You slept in again?"

Etcetera smiled with a shrug. She saw how her friend was positioned literally right next to her new tomfriend. There was absolutely no space between two, but they seemed to be enjoying every single second of it. Jemima seemed to be keeping her safe distance from the two, dare not trying to disturb the two in their sharing of love.

"You guys really are going fast," Etcetera commented, laughing.

"I know," purred Electra, patting her tomfriend on his back.

Jemima was acting like she was throwing up. "You two are going to see what I ate a few minutes if you don't control yourselves," she jokingly warned the couple, rolling her eyes.

The couple didn't seem to mind this. Then, for a second, it seemed as if they were doing such things to tease the two others who were still without their tomfriends. Etcetera tried to dismiss the thought.

"So… Is anything exciting happening today?" she asked, trying to break the awkward air of silence.

"I guess not," answered Jemima. "But… I guess the couple right here will provide us with some _enjoyable_ entertainment by what they are doing right now," she grinned.

Etcetera smiled. Seeing that the conversation would not carry on for long, she took a step closer to her friend and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Jem," she whispered into her ear, "I want to talk to you for a minute in private."

Jemima seemed a little alarmed at this. "Excuse me?"

Etcetera didn't give a chance for hesitation; she grabbed her friend's paw and pulled her aside. "I want to ask you something."

"Uhh… sure…" Jemima murmured.

"Do I look… any different than usual today…? I mean, just asking…" Etcetera asked, hoping she wasn't frightening her friend with her sudden seriousness.

"Uhh… Well…" Jemima muttered. She looked up and down at her friend's body with a confused face. "I don't see anything different…"

"Jem, look closely. Do I look… uh… bigger than usual…?"

"Well… Hmm. Nope, I don't think there's anything different about you. Why?"

Etcetera wondered if she should tell her friend about the mirror. The side in her mind that told her not to tell eventually won. "I don't know. I'm just asking."

"Well… You seem very normal…"

"Oh… okay. Well… from now on, can you tell me… if… if I'm getting bigger or something…?" Etectra asked, somewhat hesitantly.

"What do you mean?"

"Like… Tell me if you see that I'm getting fatter," Electra whispered, making sure that the nearby couple, cuddled together a few feet away from her, wasn't hearing what she was saying.

"What…? Etcy, what do you mean? Fat? Why'd you think that?" Jemima asked, unable to understand what her friend was trying to say.

"I mean… just warn me."

"Why…? Why would you worry about getting fat, Etcy?"

"'Cause… It can happen…" Etcetera said.

"Wait… wait… I'm confused. Munkustrap always told us that we will gradually get bigger, so that we can become grown-ups," Jemima said.

"Well… Forget Munkustrap. I mean, Jem, friends can ask these kinds of favors, right?"

Jemima nodded. A look of bewilderment was obvious on her face.

"Jem, don't worry too much. I'm just saying… Just tell me, you know, since we're friends. I just want to stay in shape."

"But… You _are_ in shape," Jemima replied.

"But that doesn't mean that I shouldn't be careful," Etcetera replied back.

Jemima simply nodded again. "I don't see why you're worrying about this so suddenly…"

"It's nothing much, really. It's just a thought I have. Jem, don't worry. I don't want to see a worried look on your pretty face…"

"Aww, Etcy. That's so sweet," Jemima smiled.

Her smile made Etcetera's tensed-up shoulders relax. _Finally. _"Don't take it too seriously, Jem, about the 'fat' thing and all."

"And you shouldn't take it too seriously, either. You know you're beautiful, so why'd you worry?" Jemima shrugged. "Excuse me; I gotta go ease the temperature between the two over there a little bit… They are going a little too over the thermometer, aren't they?"

Etcetera giggled. "I agree; alright."

"Hey, 'Lectra! Mungo! Things are getting a little too hot over here, don't you think…" Jemima shouted.

Etcetera shook her head, smiling. _Alright, alright. I guess I was just a little too sensitive or something this morning. Look, even my friend says I look okay. I'm sure my eyes were fooling me or something in front of the mirror; you naughty eyes! _

She hoped that this was what she was feeling at the moment; but she had to admit quietly to her own heart that this was really what she _wanted_ for herself to feel at the moment.

* * *

**Please, tell me what you think so far. :)**


	4. The Answer?

**Charli/ I'm glad you like where it's going. Thank you for your comment! :)**

**Cocobutterrox/ Thank you for your comments! Macavity always makes things more interesting, doesn't he?**

**eld mcm/ Hmm. Interesting thought. Thanks for your comment! :)**

* * *

She promised herself that she would do it no more, but the promise was soon shamelessly broken.

When Etcetera woke up the next day, she mechanically stepped over to the pile of junk in her den and pulled the mirror out. As if it was already a stable habit, she immediately scrutinized over the image of her body shown in the mirror.

She sighed. _Not as bad as yesterday, but still somewhat chubby, _she thought. She was the judge of her own body, and this would ensure that her body was controlled under the strictest eyes.

_Did I seriously go around like this without knowing… before I found the mirror?_ Even thinking about it made her slightly shiver with embarrassment.

_And no one ever told me that I was fat…? Or at least a little bit bigger than usual…?_

It was as if the mirror had revealed a completely new world to her; a world of truth. The mirror itself was the bringer of the truth, which would enlighten her about who she actually was and told her what she should become. And not becoming the better body that the mirror – and her own self – seemed to be demanding from her would be simply of complete laziness.

_So far… Everyone saw that I was kinda fat. But they never told me… just to be polite and all that. But now, if I just stay like this, then I'd just become… a total wreck…_

Sighing, she pushed the mirror back into its original position in the junk pile. How convenient it was that she could check her own self every morning in her own den, without having to go out, and on her way, having to explain to every single cat who was curious about what she was doing.

_I gotta do something, something to put my body back in shape. I know there's an answer somewhere, and I'm sure many queens have already gone through it and have succeeded. But… what must I do? Who will tell me…?_

Her conversation with Jemima the day before was completely erased from her mind at this point.

* * *

Instead of stepping over to the cluster of her friends who were chattering the hours away, Etcetera walked at a decent pace toward the wide-open area half-dominated by rocks, and, at wherever they were absent, the usual junk piles. There seemed to be no life there, no excited chatters or vigorous hunting for mice; and thus it appeared to be the best choice for a cat who wanted to think alone in quietness.

_I hope I don't meet Macavity today… Yet it was him who told me all about the mirror… Hmm. Maybe, he has the answer…_

She glanced at the dirt below her every once a while, hoping to find any object that might be of good use to her. _No mirrors today… No nothing…_

She almost jumped when she suddenly heard something swoosh right behind her. _Crap. It's Macavity again. _Expecting to see the fire-red fur and the blaze-sharp claws,

Etcetera looked up at the top of the junk pile right beside her. An orange queen.

"'Teazer, you didn't have to just run right behind me! You almost stopped my heartbeat!" she shouted, half-joking yet half-serious.

"Oops. Sorry. I don't really look around when I'm running," the orange calico replied with a naughty smile.

Without really noticing, Etcetera moved her eyes from the orange queen's face to her body. Slim, thin. Fit. Perfect. This was the queen to ask.

"Hey, uh, 'Teazer, are you busy right now…?"

"I mean, I was going to go help 'Jerry out in stealing some of them pearl necklaces, but I suppose he can do it alone. These days, he acts like he can do everything by himself when really, I'm doing half the job." She gave a shrug and jumped down from the top of the junk pile.

"I'm surprised he's not with 'Lectra today. The two are getting warm these days," Etcetera commented. It was a nice conversation-starter for eventually asking the certain question.

"Oh," Rumpleteazer laughed, "I don't know what on earth he really feels for that queen, but I'm sure he exciting her all that she wants."

"Do you think the two will go far?"

"Egh, if 'Jerry thinks it's worth it. Frankly, if I was 'Lectra, I'd be a bit more cautious. But that isn't none of my business, so…" Rumpleteazer grinned.

"Hmm. But she _is_ lucky. She never expected it, but she got a tomfriend, while those who _really, really_ want a tomfriend – not that 'Lectra didn't want a tomfriend – has to wait all this time watching her and 'Jerrry cuddle together," Etcetera said, being careful not to sound even just a bit jealous.

"Why, are you one of those queens who _really, really_ want a tomfriend?"

"I mean, who doesn't?"

"I don't. I mean, at least not for right now. I just think it's a distraction sometimes for all the work I do. Not that they are _legal_ works, but… you know what I mean. Plus, there wouldn't be a single tom who would want me. But I'm sure many toms would want you – a beautiful, young, innocent, pretty…"

This instantly reminded Etcetera of the question that she was almost forgetting about, as if a lightbulb was suddenly turned on in a dark room that was going through hours of power outage. "Hey, 'Teazer, sorry to get off-track, but can I ask you about one thing?"

"What is it?"

"Well… Do you… hmm… Do you every feel… feel…" _No, asking if she ever feels fat would make it seem way too suspicious. _"Do you ever feel… thin… sometimes…?"

"Thin?"

"Um… yeah, thin. As in your body being thin…"

"All the bloody time, yes! I never get enough to fill my stomach!" Rumpleteazer exclaimed, shaking her head with laughter.

"But I thought you and 'Jerry always steal food from people's tables and all that."

"Oh, those are the lucky days! A few every now and then. Usually, we'll be lucky if we don't get bruised by a broomstick when they shoot us off!"

"So… You rarely eat well…?"

"I mean, what 'Jerry and I eat get us going and all, but… it's never enough to satisfy the stomachs of two hungry cats," the orange calico answered with a semi-bitter smile.

"And… I'm sure that usually eating small amounts like that really makes you actually thin physically…? Ahem. Excuse me. I hope I'm not getting too private. Like, I mean, not just _feeling _thin…" Etcetera carefully asked. _Please don't notice anything, please don't think something's suspicious…_

"I guess. The last time I checked the mirror, it seemed like my stomach was touching my back. Or, that's probably what my eyes tricked me to see, since I was so desperately hungry at that moment in front of the mirror. But, I'm sure that even if wasn't for my eyes, not eating for a while would surely make a cat thin like she never saw before. Oh, wait, did I tell you what a mirror is?"

Etcetera decided to not reveal of her recent knowledge. She shook her head, pushing down the feeling of guilt of having lied.

"I see. I don't think any of you kittens know what it is," Rumpleteazer said. "A mirror is… hmm. You see, I know what it is, but I can't exactly think of the correct words… Hmm… Aha! Here we go: A mirror is a very useful object that is _usually_ used to check if Macavity or a pollicle is crawling right behind you."

Etcetera cringed in confusion. _I don't think that's what Macavity told me…_ A brief internal confusion went about in her mind on whether she should trust the Napoleon of Crime more or the troublemaker queen in front of her more.

"I mean, that's what I've always known," the older queen said, secretly hoping she had not said something ridiculously absurd. "Like… Since we don't have eyes on the back of our heads, we can look into a mirror right in front of us to see if there's any creature behind us, 'cause it'd be quite awful if we were to suddenly be attacked by something without us knowing it…"

"But wouldn't we _already_ know if there's something right behind us preparing for an attack? A cat who couldn't sense what is going on right behind him wouldn't be even called a cat," Etcetera said, trying to hide her laughter at what now appeared clearly as Rumpleteazer's own stupidity.

"But… Etcetera, what if the fiend-creature is really quiet…?" She looked down at the kitten, who was a half-step away from bursting into laughter. It would be useless to try to give any excuses from this point on. "I'm… uh… sorry. I guess 'Jerry gave me the wrong information. Just… just forget what I just said! I'm… I'm sure that's not how you use a mirror!"

Swamped over by her own embarrassment, Rumpleteazer took off at the speed no slower than that of Macavity a few days ago. In a matter of a few seconds, Etcetera was again alone in the dirt field.

Finally, she freely broke into laughter.

_Oh, that Rumpleteazer! Using a mirror to see if there's someone trying to attack you from behind! Oh, there's one thing that I know better than her!_

Feeling a slight sense of pride at this, she started to start to walk back to where the other cats were. It was then when she realized that her first intention on having a conversation with the mischievous queen was not to get a good laugh.

It was to ask about… that certain subject which was bugging her mind so constantly. It was after a few minutes of concentration and thinking when she finally realized what Rumpleteazer had said relating to the subject.

_I think she told me… that if a cat doesn't eat for a while, she'll get really thin soon. But I already knew that before! _She shrugged in disappointment.

_But you never put it into action, did you?_ her consciousness seemed to be asking her.

At this, Etcetera had to agree. She had never put that common knowledge into action; and perhaps, putting that knowledge into action would be the answer to her problem…

_I guess talking to 'Teazer was worth it, after all. I'll start… this evening._


	5. Fish and Crackers

**Charlie/** Thank you! Yup, I agree that she needs a cuddle!

**eld mcm/** Thanks! I love the Garfield reference!

**Cocobutterrox/** Thank you! You're always too kind… :)

* * *

_I'll start… this evening, _Etcetera promised herself._ This evening, I'll start… Whatever tonight's supper is, I won't even put it anywhere close to my mouth._

* * *

"Yes! Fish! They say the supper is fish! My favorite!" Electra exclaimed.

"Mmm. Makes my day," Jemima said, nodding in agreement with her excited friend.

Etcetera sighed. _Why, Jenny, why? Why does my favorite food have to be supper the day I'm trying to start…? I'm trying to avoid food here, not be attracted to it! Ugh!_

Her stomach groaned and her mouth watered; in only a few seconds, she found herself slowly following her friends to the line for supper, which was already quite lengthy.

_No, Etcy, no. Resist the temptation_, she told herself within her mind. Her feet, however, did not care enough to listen; they simply carried her body into the line and moved it along with the line's movement. _No, Etcy, stop! You promised yourself only a few hours ago! _she scolded herself silently.

It was a kind of temptation that she had never experienced before. It was a completely new kind of temptation, a much stronger one than anything that she had gone through before.

She felt a light tap on her shoulder; she turned around and saw that it was Tumblebrutus.

"Come on, Etcetera, the line is moving," he said, trying to sound as patient as he could.

"Oh. Sorry." Etcetera moved up the gap that she had created in the line. Now, she was only a few feet away from Jennyanydots and Jellylorum, who were busily handing out a half of a fish – not very big, but still of a decent size – to each cat.

Etcetera was about to drag herself out of the line when a certain thought came up in her mind: _Wait. If I step out and not have supper, everyone will notice that something's unusual… So… perhaps, if I could get the fish but then give it to someone… Hmm…_

She got the fish from Jennyanydots, to whom she said a small, formal "Thank you." The old cat smiled back.

Etcetera looked down at the piece of fish. She never looked at food this way before; right now, it was something that could, more or less, take control of a cat in an instant. It was what made the stomach groan, the mouth water, and the cat himself feel desperate for. What seemed like a usual, harmless part of everyday life before now seemed like an irresistible, malicious temptation that intended to break down her decision, the promise that she had made with herself. She started into the eye of the fish; it seemed to stare back at her.

She could see that her friends had already created a circle by the tire. Four or so cats, chattering and biting into their daily bread, or rather, _weekly fish_. She walked over and sat down, trying to fit comfortably between Electra and Jemima.

"Hey, uh, 'Lect, do you… uh… want to have my fish…?" she asked, hoping to look as casual and normal as possible.

Electra's eyes widened. "Etcy, but that's your supper. Aren't you hungry?"

Etcetera shook her head. "No… I'm… I just have a… uh… stomachache or something…" _It's only a white lie… _she told herself. _Nothing to feel too guilty about…_

"Oh. Uh, well, I hope you feel better soon. And… I don't want to be rude, but in that case, do you mind if I have your…" Electra said, intentionally not finishing her sentence and instead carefully pointing at her friend's piece of fish.

Etcetera nodded and gave it over, causing a gigantic smile to spread upon her friend's face. Indeed, food could easily control a cat.

"Thanks so much!" Electra grinned.

"Hey, 'Lectra! Come on! Who says you get it all?" complained Exotica.

"Seriously, Exotica? Fighting over food…?" Electra said, shaking her head. She held onto her new piece of fish as if it was some kind of a precious stone.

"No, we're not fighting. We're just making sure that everything is done in a fair manner between friends," Jemima answered. She looked somewhat apologetically at Etcetera, however, as if feeling guilty about arguing, really, in front of her face about the food that she had given to them.

"Alright, alright. I'll cut it up into equal pieces," Electra surrendered. "I'm sure we look like total idiots when we _argue _over something to eat." With her claws, she cut up the piece of fish into four pieces and gave one to Jemima ("Satisfied?" she asked her as she gave the piece to her. Jemima only shrugged, although with a considerable amount of embarrassment.), then one to Victoria, and then one for Exotica. She then kept one piece for herself. Divided up, the even smaller pieces of the fish looked nothing more than insignificant.

_Maybe that might be okay to eat… No! What are you thinking? Resist the temptation, I say!_ _Resist!_ Etcetera groaned, swamped by her own thoughts. _Resist the temptation! You'll regret if you don't!_

"Gosh, your stomachache must be awful, Etcy. I can hear it groaning from over here. I think Jenny keeps some herbs for that in her den. Etcy, do you want to go to her…?" Electra asked.

"No… I'm fine…" Etcetera replied. She knew that taking medicine when there was nothing wrong with one's body could bring forth unintended and undesirable side effects. She shuddered at the thought.

"Are you sure…?" Victoria asked.

Etcetera nodded politely, trying to give a smile in order to assure them.

* * *

As soon as she entered her den, Etcetera let her body collapse.

_Is it this difficult to skip just one supper?_ she asked herself. Indeed, it was hours ago when she had eaten lunch, and her stomach seemed as if it was cringing at its emptiness.

_Oh…_ she groaned. _How can this be? It's just one meal I didn't eat… And it's my first day!_

_ Or maybe, it's just my mind that's making up the hunger. Perhaps… the idea of not eating just makes me hungrier than what I actually am… Either way, I'm not having a good time here!_

Suddenly, a small box near her caught her attention; it was something that she had recently found in the open dirt fields and had hid deep within her den for later use. She had already opened it before and thus knew that it wasn't an ordinary box; it was a box of crackers.

_Oh… no… Why didn't I shove it in deeper…?_

Slowly, she was pulled over by what she thought as an invisible force coming from the box and was forced to look at it from an even closer distance.

It was a small red box, although now rather brown from the dirt; it was made of steel and had a lid with the picture of a glaring sun. Most importantly, there was food inside. Human food, but still food.

Her mouth started to water again. _Maybe… maybe… just tonight… only tonight… No! What are you thinking? Etcy! You're just being tempted! Tempted by that damned little box!_

She moaned. _No… maybe just one piece…? Or two…? I'm sure that wouldn't hurt so much…_

_ What am I thinking…?_

_ No… Just tonight… A piece or two won't make any difference…_

_ Nonsense! Of course it will make a huge difference! And after all, Jelly told me before that human food is bad for cats! Come on, Etcy! This is only the first day and you're already about to fail! Remember what you saw in the mirror! Do you want to be even fatter? Come on, stay strong! Just shove the box away!_

_ Oh, what the heck._ Dismissing all thoughts, she opened the lid and placed it by the side of the box. There were about ten or so pieces of round crackers in the box, all neatly lined up together like a stack of cards and protected by a plastic wrapping; unlike the dirty outside of the box, the plastic wrapping still seemed to be in acceptable conditions. Perhaps the wrapping was the answer to why the crackers still seemed edible even though the box that they were in had been in the junkyard for a long period of time. (_Anyway, why would this end up in the junkyard? _she wondered. _Looks perfectly edible to me._)

And perhaps, the wrapping was also a last warning before going on to make the decision to eat…

_Just one or two, just tonight… I'll really start the whole thing tomorrow… Oh… I'm such an idiot…_

She tore apart the wrapping with her teeth (which made a few crackers inside break) and then spit out the small pieces of the wrapping that ended up in her mouth. She immediately grabbed a piece of cracker and bit into it. It was quite dry and very salty, and all of the saliva in her mouth seemed to be drying up. She barely managed to chew on it and swallow it, but any form of food passing through her esophagus felt amazingly good.

She grabbed the second piece right away and bit into it. She now became used to its dryness and saltiness; she coughed a few times, but after all, they were nothing compared to the feeling of being hungry.

She then grabbed the third piece, and then the fourth… And in a matter of only a few minutes, there were no more.

Just an empty, ripped-open plastic wrapping lying sadly next to the open box.

Despite the satisfaction of her stomach, she felt like she had been hit with a stone. Now that it was too late, now that she had done it, now that there was no way of turning back…

She wiped of the crumbs by her mouth with her paws and let a few drops of tears trickle down her cheek.

_What… did I just… do…? What… just happened…?_ The empty plastic wrapping gave her the answer. So did her full stomach.

_Did I seriously empty that box of crackers…? All of it…? Oh, no, tell me it's just my mind's wild imagination! Come on! It possibly couldn't have happened! Right? Right? I was doing so well so far and this couldn't have suddenly happened! Right…?_

The empty plastic wrapping repeated its answer. Etcetera closed her eye tightly.

_Oh, why am I such an idiot? Why did I let myself…?_

_ No, no… I'm sure it didn't happen. I'm sure none of this actually happened…_

She opened her eyes. The empty plastic wrapping repeated its answer again. And now, what could she do? Letting out tears wasn't going to change what happened. Was there anything that she could do at this point? She had to admit that the answer was only a solid "no."

_Maybe… if I can make myself throw up all the food I just ate… No, that's too dangerous. And I've never done it before; but I know it must be painful…_

She sniffed a few times to stop her tears. Sighing, she put the plastic wrapping into the box and closed it.

_Tomorrow, I'll really start… Tomorrow, I won't let this happen. Ever._

But she still couldn't deny how wonderful the feeling of a full stomach felt.


End file.
